Hello to all!!! Ha-Ha I’m enjoying myself these days I truly am. I seem to have been over run by books lots and lots of books, so many romance fiction novels that send my body into a craving of true and pure love… that doesn’t exists anywhere but in my imagination. It is now 2:11pm in army time that is 1411hours, I’m sitting here questioning my ability to make a choice on which Vitamin water I should drink first, Dragonfruit or Acai-blueberry-pomegranate, truly the hardest decision I have ever had to make HA! Maybe I should ask my brand new tarot cards.Well I have decided the blueberry pomegranate mmm yum. So back to the six books I’m trying to read at the same time, its not as hard as it sounds just read one if that doesn’t seem to fit your fancy in that particular moment find another one.
I really love Emilie Autumn she sets my spirits a sore with beautiful sounds, my heart ache in my want to be talented in any way possible. My talents resort to small talents such as making macramé/or/wire necklaces and bracelets, I crochet, I like to draw “Animated” characters… honest I’m not all that great at any of them though sometimes I lose my self in such things and I get a fierce determination, then I say “What the hell did I make!” sigh and forget that it exists. So I’ve picked up a new trick of trade that seems to fit my fancy, Tarot Cards, I know I know most will say “Your going to hell for that!” but, be that as it may I enjoy it and I still believe in God, A hire power all that jazz. I like my deck My friend bought it “The Vampire Tarot” he looked at it thought it was ugly and gave it to me, don’t I feel just oh so special… I really do. I’ve been doing my reading over and over again getting down everything I can I want to be like those old pretty gypsy ladies in movies that grabs the main characters and says “Come, come quick we haven’t much time. The cards are eager to tell you” corny I know but it seems glamorous in a way. I feel the urge to try and tell everyone’s fortune though it’s more of a walk way or a guide not really telling you wants going to happen. Any ways not much of a talent to some I suppose but I feel the “passion” Ha-Ha I know that sounds so weird though it fits my description perfectly.
Well as I sit here wondering what I am to do with my life, I wish I had a car or someone to teach me to drive, I want to lose weight and become more active with myself so I feel more self worth and more self esteem so that I’m not ashamed when I want to leave my house and do something, I would love to have a job so more opportunities for myself. I fear I will be an old fat lady an old maid for the rest of my eternity. “She took who she could get, that wasn’t much.” That’s what my father said about my aunt, who I take after most in my family, My dad really has no room to speak when it comes to such things he’s a difficult person to live with he doesn’t really have the greatest of looks and the people he’s married. WOW did he really go there?! Come on dad my aunt is a great woman someone I look at and say I want to be somewhat like her. Back to what my dad said, it seems to run threw my head over and over at this moment, did he mean because of the way she looks? I look similar. Is it because of her personality? I am similar there too. Does this mean I have no hope to find love? Am I forever to be put in a relationship where love isn’t there and money is all that matters? Way to go dad giving your daughter some emotional instability. I can’t justify his words because they are so pigheaded, he’s such a close minded man. He does well for him self sometimes and he remembers God exists sometimes, that’s when he remembers I exist and tells me he loves me and very proud. Don’t get me wrong love my father so much I wouldn’t change anything for that would mean I would be changing myself and I love me look at me I’m a chucky 21 year old woman living in her mothers house no real talent and I don’t have any real self dependency. Well ha-ha this is awkward considering I truly do love myself and that sounds like I’m bashing myself, time to change the subject? Ok!
Now remember I’m a single woman and I haven’t had the best relationships but hey that’s a give in for this life time everyone seems to have had such things. I’ve found my self talking to many guys but, Only two truly talk to me like a person oddly they are both foreigners, oddly what does that say about us Americans? Hmmm where did our romance go or our true nature to show concern? Have we dug our own graves and forgotten our humanity? I’m in disgrace on how many times I’ve been asked for dirty pictures! Have you seen me?! I’m definitely not a “Pretty” woman who really wants to see this?! Come on!!! Ha-HA just kidding… sort of. Any ways forgetting that lets move on with what I was saying. Have people forgotten about porn? If I recall from my last empty weekend alone it does! Why do those people go on recording themselves if you’re just going to ignore it now?! I’m no porn star and I’m not starting now for some strange man, I don’t find that fun. I want a relationship people someone who wants to be with me I want to get to know the deepest depths of your soul, so I can eat it later. I mean really what has life come to if I can’t make man friends any more? I want passion not “Oh yeah I’m wacking off to your face because I can’t seem to be a real human being and share who I am with anyone I’m complete all on my own!” wow, you sound human to me! Great goddess. Well at least now I know I’m sexy to 30 men all over the states!
So a new topic I know I seem to switch so much on topics but bear with my terrible ADHD. So like a week ago I lost my charger and I’m sitting here with my dying cell phone having to barrow my little brothers charger when the whole time it’s been in the computer room, where the hell did my detective skills go?! Huh?! Don’t I feel slightly dumb? Not really I feel completely fine. In fact, nope I’m stupid. Well now that we seem to have that clarified I just might step off and read a book or do a tarot card reading for myself, finish my acai-bluebarry-pomegranate vitamin water and then start on my dragonfruit one. Ah what a fulfilled lifestyle I have! Enjoy me as much as you can I’m not sure how much longer my invisible friends I will be with such nice accommodations because I’m sure I soon will be poor living on my own with a job that takes up most of my life, or I wont have internet and cable… wait yep all of that. Well I will bid my farewell at this point in time, Bye!
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