Alright I'm a nerd in my own way but I was checking my stats to see that I'm not making much progress but to see that people have been viewing my blog makes me thrilled beyond all measures! I just have to say that I was looking at where in the world these people are viewing and there was one that made my heart jump up and choke me! this one is from someone in Japan. I nearly pissed myself I don't care who you are but I love you!!! there are no words to describe how happy I am that one out of three people reading my blog lives in Japan. My life will never be the same I think I love you who ever you are! You have just made my life and my friends are going to kill me because they'll never hear the end of this! I think I'm going to cry now. Tears of joy my friend tears of joy! How am I going to sleep tonight, ha ha I have a wedding to go to tomorrow I'm just so happy right now. I feel like such a girl. Oh and my ADHD is kicking in, but all in all I love you stranger in Japan.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Alright lets talk sex.. O.O
I've been watching shows lately and well I can't help but hear everything is about sex maybe I'm just getting weird because its been almost 7 months sense I last had sex. I would like to say that I'm fine on my own with my toys enjoying my life, but that's not the case I guess this means I'm sex hungry mostly when I video chat with Leon. Aubrey says that I'm just tormenting myself and Helen says the same though I'm pretty sure Alissa gets where I'm coming from she used to talk to a guy all the time and had an ok relationship with him.
I think I need to go to therapy if I can't keep myself under control. I used to think, Pre-sexNina, that sex was something so big and beautiful I was so scared my first time because I wasn't so sure it was right I felt pressured a little bit. In side I knew I was ready though I was 19 and inexperienced I needed some love and I kind of found it. I'm not so sure I really loved him I never really knew his real name until after he broke up with me for some other girl who my friends proceed to call fat girlfriend... I think she's a lesbian now, like her mother. I was told repeatedly that he was cheating on me, now I don't care thought I don't think it will be easy for me to trust as well as I did.
My second sexual experience was a drunken night with some friends and a guy I was texting and had only texted for a day or two I really thought we connected until he slept with me then a switch flipped and he was a complete asshole good thing I was really drunk and could hold my own because I didn't cry until the next night when I was drunk and my friends where all there it was a terrible night. I was told I played the roll of troll for him in there game of beer pong, I think I was really far gone because I do remember crying under a table. Oh yes and I found out later that he slept with one of my friends, I asked her if she thought he was any good I think that was a touchy subject because she didn't look me in the eye while shrugging her shoulders.
I'm not going to talk about my next experience that was in a bathroom and that I was called goddess, until the new years party when the person I slept with publicly slept with someone else in an icky basement that actually was the best party in my life many pictures where taken that night.
Now I was in another relationship with the one I have bitched and blogged about in the past. He wasn't very interested in me so my friends and I think he's in the closet people would still love just as they did before, his dad maybe disappointed but oh well. The sex was pretty good I guess when he could get it up, he was a virgin and I everyone kept telling me that it was perfect because he would love me and bla bla bla. I was still nervous about the whole thing because lets face it I'm not all that pretty and I really wanted him to like me. He did tell me he loved me until he took it back and said sorry I forgot you're not family its usually what I say to family when they leave. How awkward was that for me I was pissed, but as I've said before he's gay. He was high all the time he liked his weed and that reminded me of my father, I really don't need that shit in my life. He had a small dick. (I just said that last part because it makes me feel better.)
I just really want sex I don't know why, I was never the one to want it before maybe I'm reaching my sexual peak. I haven't anyone to share this with so I'm letting out my bit of frustration threw the internet.
Moral of the story, Nina does NOT want a man that cheats, calls her a stupid bitch after sex, sleeps with her friends after they've slept with her, nor does she want a man that can't or doesn't want to please her. I'm sure this list will go farther later on in life, but this is all I can complain about now I'm still learning.
I think I need to go to therapy if I can't keep myself under control. I used to think, Pre-sexNina, that sex was something so big and beautiful I was so scared my first time because I wasn't so sure it was right I felt pressured a little bit. In side I knew I was ready though I was 19 and inexperienced I needed some love and I kind of found it. I'm not so sure I really loved him I never really knew his real name until after he broke up with me for some other girl who my friends proceed to call fat girlfriend... I think she's a lesbian now, like her mother. I was told repeatedly that he was cheating on me, now I don't care thought I don't think it will be easy for me to trust as well as I did.
My second sexual experience was a drunken night with some friends and a guy I was texting and had only texted for a day or two I really thought we connected until he slept with me then a switch flipped and he was a complete asshole good thing I was really drunk and could hold my own because I didn't cry until the next night when I was drunk and my friends where all there it was a terrible night. I was told I played the roll of troll for him in there game of beer pong, I think I was really far gone because I do remember crying under a table. Oh yes and I found out later that he slept with one of my friends, I asked her if she thought he was any good I think that was a touchy subject because she didn't look me in the eye while shrugging her shoulders.
I'm not going to talk about my next experience that was in a bathroom and that I was called goddess, until the new years party when the person I slept with publicly slept with someone else in an icky basement that actually was the best party in my life many pictures where taken that night.
Now I was in another relationship with the one I have bitched and blogged about in the past. He wasn't very interested in me so my friends and I think he's in the closet people would still love just as they did before, his dad maybe disappointed but oh well. The sex was pretty good I guess when he could get it up, he was a virgin and I everyone kept telling me that it was perfect because he would love me and bla bla bla. I was still nervous about the whole thing because lets face it I'm not all that pretty and I really wanted him to like me. He did tell me he loved me until he took it back and said sorry I forgot you're not family its usually what I say to family when they leave. How awkward was that for me I was pissed, but as I've said before he's gay. He was high all the time he liked his weed and that reminded me of my father, I really don't need that shit in my life. He had a small dick. (I just said that last part because it makes me feel better.)
I just really want sex I don't know why, I was never the one to want it before maybe I'm reaching my sexual peak. I haven't anyone to share this with so I'm letting out my bit of frustration threw the internet.
Moral of the story, Nina does NOT want a man that cheats, calls her a stupid bitch after sex, sleeps with her friends after they've slept with her, nor does she want a man that can't or doesn't want to please her. I'm sure this list will go farther later on in life, but this is all I can complain about now I'm still learning.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Just one of those days
I'm way to chill this morning its so rainy out I feel like sleeping again and I don't want to because if I do I'll sleep the whole day and I can't do that. I think I'm depressed because I slept a lot longer than usual and I'm still tired. I think I need a disco night, I came up with this solution when I was browsing youtube and found this wonderful song "I love to love" by Tina Charles. I'm pretty confident in my abilities to interpret the fact that her baby loves sex not dance considering she says "in stead of going up town my baby wants to stay at home and get down" so I'm sure that's how he loves to dance. Now if the RollerDen was open I'm sure I'd ravage helens new found(by me) apartment for my purse that got lost in the visit I wasn't intending to make. I ended up panting her dinning room for her while she did god knows what and Alissa was coloring her hair. I figured I'd get my anger out with the roller and her wall then she pissed me off again by telling her boyfriend to go over it again because I did a shit job I'm wondering right now why we are friends because all she's doing is making me feel like shit and now I'm depressed, I need a disco night.
Now back to the RollerDen thats not open other wise I would ravage about for my purse grab my cash get my ass down there rent some rollerblades and get down to some funky tunes by rolling in big circles in a small room filled with lights. I could only hope that I would be alone because I would hate being there with little kids while I jam out to music from the 70's I'm sure those soon to be asshole gangsta wanna be's will judge me with every ounce of the little brains that they have. sounds like I need to find something I like to do and can do on my own that would make me happy to the point that I couldn't live anymore. sounds like I need Tina's baby that loves to dance because I think I need it.
I'm getting really tired of getting the shit end of the stick, nothing like having one person point out everything wrong with my life. I was excited with the amount of cash I get from my job and I was thinking I could have my cake and eat it too but I'm just now noticing that's two much to ask for. I see that being under constant scrutiny of my friends isn't always a good thing, its great to know that they are there for me but sometimes it feels like they are against me. today just doesn't feel at all like a good day I don't know if its the rain or the fact that I am viewing my glass half empty and boy do I feel empty right now.
Leon's sick and I wish I could be there to make him feel better, I feel like a failure with words. I want to cuddle him so he feels better. I just sighed because I'm lost, I wish I was camping so I could build a fire sit by it alone and have all the space in the world to think. why is it that if you're in a small space you feel as though there isn't enough space to think?
Leon you need to sleep and don't you dare call me mother again or I swear to goddess that I'll smack you even if you're sick!! alright I think I need to post this and move on.
Now back to the RollerDen thats not open other wise I would ravage about for my purse grab my cash get my ass down there rent some rollerblades and get down to some funky tunes by rolling in big circles in a small room filled with lights. I could only hope that I would be alone because I would hate being there with little kids while I jam out to music from the 70's I'm sure those soon to be asshole gangsta wanna be's will judge me with every ounce of the little brains that they have. sounds like I need to find something I like to do and can do on my own that would make me happy to the point that I couldn't live anymore. sounds like I need Tina's baby that loves to dance because I think I need it.
I'm getting really tired of getting the shit end of the stick, nothing like having one person point out everything wrong with my life. I was excited with the amount of cash I get from my job and I was thinking I could have my cake and eat it too but I'm just now noticing that's two much to ask for. I see that being under constant scrutiny of my friends isn't always a good thing, its great to know that they are there for me but sometimes it feels like they are against me. today just doesn't feel at all like a good day I don't know if its the rain or the fact that I am viewing my glass half empty and boy do I feel empty right now.
Leon's sick and I wish I could be there to make him feel better, I feel like a failure with words. I want to cuddle him so he feels better. I just sighed because I'm lost, I wish I was camping so I could build a fire sit by it alone and have all the space in the world to think. why is it that if you're in a small space you feel as though there isn't enough space to think?
Leon you need to sleep and don't you dare call me mother again or I swear to goddess that I'll smack you even if you're sick!! alright I think I need to post this and move on.
Monday, September 26, 2011
So I was sleeping on the couch because my room is so cold I can't sleep, I wish I had Helen's sleeping bag that's for sub zero weather I'm sure I would feel a lot warmer, I did catch a few z's before I got to cold so as tired as I was I came down stairs and headed for the couch. Laying on that couch can be pretty satisfying you've got the comfy under you and besides you whats not to love? So I'm not tired that's ok I'll just roll over, I do this about 20 times before I'm so warm that I do pass out. That was probably around 10:30 or 11:00pm that I got to sleep but as soon as it hits 12:20 Rouge, our dog, decides its time to get up and growl and bark. I'm pissed though I pretend to sleep because I'm me and I'm pretty lazy plus she only barks when someone she doesn't really know is here. This I think is the point in time where I freeze and start freaking out in my head I'm not a brave person even if I want to be a crazy demon hunting freak from the books I read, you know the cool ones that strap knives to there ankles to pull out in a tough moment, to much to dream for?
So I'm thinking if someone is here should I not move, I think for a few minutes that maybe there like the T-rex's from Jurassic Park the movie and just maybe if I don't move they wont sense that I'm here. I realize that this is a bad idea not moving would give them confidence to bust into the house. I can't let this happen because my mother, Alex(Younger brother), Logan(Youngest brother), and Brian(My mothers husband) are all sleeping and now the fate of there lives are in my hands do to some sicko that wants into my house... thank you assholes I'm really not strong enough for this.
So the amount of time for me to think about this my mom wakes up and says "Rouge nock it off." and figures theres nothing to it, she reaches the kitchen and I'm thinking 'Please god don't let my mother get shot because I'm weak and useless' it really started to freak me out when my mom says in a hushed voice "Who's that Rouge" next thing I hear is the light go on and the door locked, I remember not locking the door so I was thinking that my mother was a quick woman, I urge her to start running in my mind when she starts to walk back leaving the light on and going back to bed.
At this time I think I really have to pee and I'm very hot in my blanket. I get up and I see wild dark hair, mind you I don't have my glasses on and I forgot that my older brother has just yesterday come back home to stay here for a bit. I freaked and hurried for my glasses and realize that asshole, WHO DIDN'T BRING HIS X-BOX, was sitting in my kitchen like none of this just happened. He walks up to me after eating what ever it was he was chewing on and asked "Are you sleeping down stairs?" I look at him tiredly "Yeah I'm sleeping on the couch." he nods like he's trying to convey 'yeah man that's totally cool' when he says "Are you going to be going up to your room at all?" this is when I realize he's trying to crash in my room and I remember its already a mess and I'm really embarrassed when he asks "Does Issiaha(our younger brother) sleep down stairs during the day?" I think GENIUS! "Why yes he does, he's at work now so you can use is room." he nods saying "Cool cool." he's an idiot and I'm not going to be blamed for his sleeping in izzys bed because I can just clam as though I really did think he slept down stairs, he did today. I'm not even sure Izzy will be coming home! I really am not to blame though Leon and I have decided everything is my fault so i guess I'll admit this is too ha ha. I really have to go Pee now so bye!
So I'm thinking if someone is here should I not move, I think for a few minutes that maybe there like the T-rex's from Jurassic Park the movie and just maybe if I don't move they wont sense that I'm here. I realize that this is a bad idea not moving would give them confidence to bust into the house. I can't let this happen because my mother, Alex(Younger brother), Logan(Youngest brother), and Brian(My mothers husband) are all sleeping and now the fate of there lives are in my hands do to some sicko that wants into my house... thank you assholes I'm really not strong enough for this.
So the amount of time for me to think about this my mom wakes up and says "Rouge nock it off." and figures theres nothing to it, she reaches the kitchen and I'm thinking 'Please god don't let my mother get shot because I'm weak and useless' it really started to freak me out when my mom says in a hushed voice "Who's that Rouge" next thing I hear is the light go on and the door locked, I remember not locking the door so I was thinking that my mother was a quick woman, I urge her to start running in my mind when she starts to walk back leaving the light on and going back to bed.
At this time I think I really have to pee and I'm very hot in my blanket. I get up and I see wild dark hair, mind you I don't have my glasses on and I forgot that my older brother has just yesterday come back home to stay here for a bit. I freaked and hurried for my glasses and realize that asshole, WHO DIDN'T BRING HIS X-BOX, was sitting in my kitchen like none of this just happened. He walks up to me after eating what ever it was he was chewing on and asked "Are you sleeping down stairs?" I look at him tiredly "Yeah I'm sleeping on the couch." he nods like he's trying to convey 'yeah man that's totally cool' when he says "Are you going to be going up to your room at all?" this is when I realize he's trying to crash in my room and I remember its already a mess and I'm really embarrassed when he asks "Does Issiaha(our younger brother) sleep down stairs during the day?" I think GENIUS! "Why yes he does, he's at work now so you can use is room." he nods saying "Cool cool." he's an idiot and I'm not going to be blamed for his sleeping in izzys bed because I can just clam as though I really did think he slept down stairs, he did today. I'm not even sure Izzy will be coming home! I really am not to blame though Leon and I have decided everything is my fault so i guess I'll admit this is too ha ha. I really have to go Pee now so bye!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Treasuring the Existence
I say this to many people, well mostly my friends, I say this when something pleases me at the max. I've recently told my friend I treasured her existence because she exceeded my expectations of a best friend, If any of you know me for real than you would know its a big thing when i use big words with my mouth because I am in fact lazy in every aspect. I was sitting here bored because I've finished reading that book and well I wish I had something more to do with my life. I looked out my window to see a big beastly vehicle driving down the street I want to say it was for construction but it also looked like something that belonged on a farm so lets call it a half breed because honestly there are no farms any where in the town. I see this man in his own little glass box, I doubt its glass because think of the horrible things that could possibly happen to him if all that broke so I'm going to forever think its fiber glass.
I see this beautiful big red thing going down my street at possibly 5 miles an hour with a line behind him and I can't help but laugh because who doesn't like to laugh at the little funny things in life. This man I wonder if he feared hitting other cars or his own because he kept trying to look down from his box at the cars that moved at him. I find this quite humorous because I have nothing else humoring me. I just thought I'd let you all know... that THIS yes this is the existence that I treasure so much. The beauty of the world sometimes.
I see this beautiful big red thing going down my street at possibly 5 miles an hour with a line behind him and I can't help but laugh because who doesn't like to laugh at the little funny things in life. This man I wonder if he feared hitting other cars or his own because he kept trying to look down from his box at the cars that moved at him. I find this quite humorous because I have nothing else humoring me. I just thought I'd let you all know... that THIS yes this is the existence that I treasure so much. The beauty of the world sometimes.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Oh This Thing I Call Life...
For starter I would like to explain my meaning for "Fucked over" lets start with when you have a job and your friend hasn't one and we've already discussed moving in together because I've told her about this awesome apartment that she would love. After thinking that we would not be getting it I was thinking no harm no foul for me anyways, when she tells you that she's getting the place while she doesn't have the place and then tells you that you don't make enough money so you can't move in.
No no no I don't have a problem with this not in the slightest you see I have a decent life style right now living with my mother who has her own problems and everyday that I'm not working I'm sitting at home wondering where my friends are or what shall I do today?
I appear to have an obsession with talking to people that I don't know in person on line and no I don't mean video chatting because that's very different from typing to unknown strangers that I could say possibly anything to. Though honestly I don't lie to people I don't know there seems to be no point. Maybe I'm just hungry for attention that I see everyone else get that I don't seem to have so I look for it online before I realize that it is not the same thing as what everyone else has I don't even have it for real.
So my question is have I fucked myself over or am I getting fucked over by everything else. I seem to be the problem here. I thought typing this out would make me feel better and I don't in fact I feel worse.
No no no I don't have a problem with this not in the slightest you see I have a decent life style right now living with my mother who has her own problems and everyday that I'm not working I'm sitting at home wondering where my friends are or what shall I do today?
I appear to have an obsession with talking to people that I don't know in person on line and no I don't mean video chatting because that's very different from typing to unknown strangers that I could say possibly anything to. Though honestly I don't lie to people I don't know there seems to be no point. Maybe I'm just hungry for attention that I see everyone else get that I don't seem to have so I look for it online before I realize that it is not the same thing as what everyone else has I don't even have it for real.
So my question is have I fucked myself over or am I getting fucked over by everything else. I seem to be the problem here. I thought typing this out would make me feel better and I don't in fact I feel worse.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Drunken Blog?
So I'm going to try something fun, I'm going to drunkenly blog tonight lets see what comes about with this... I'm sure it will be a bad idea... I'll update later!!!
LATER-
Well at the moment I am buzzed, its a great feeling, I'm hungry and I'm wondering on whether or not I should eat something or chug more drinks! I'm thinking to chug! well I'll be back once this funny movie is over and I've drank a few more drinks!
At the end-
oh yes I'm drunk lmao I seem to type well enougth this is something I'm proud of hahaha!!! well I think I'll pass out soon... O.o I'll probably post again tomorrow! I'm such a light weight!
LATER-
Well at the moment I am buzzed, its a great feeling, I'm hungry and I'm wondering on whether or not I should eat something or chug more drinks! I'm thinking to chug! well I'll be back once this funny movie is over and I've drank a few more drinks!
At the end-
oh yes I'm drunk lmao I seem to type well enougth this is something I'm proud of hahaha!!! well I think I'll pass out soon... O.o I'll probably post again tomorrow! I'm such a light weight!
Maybe I'm just complicated.
I'm a manipulator. How, you may ask well simply I like to be slow and see what options are best maybe you think this is just being cautious I suppose it is but at the same time I know how to play someone into thinking I'm interested, depending on if this person is patient enough to go along with my ability to stall them. I think if you can't go along with this then your not worth my time. I usually only do this to men who are only after doing certain things you see if they message me on a site I'm on saying "Hi" of course I will reply I'm all for getting to know another person, but with in the next 12 messages if there is no effort to get to know me and only effort in getting to know my number then there is no reason to keep on talking to these people unless they agree to going slower and just getting to know one another on that site first than I think they are worth my time. I think the only people that are truly worth my time are those who take the moment to get to know one another and we talk threw messages and learn about one another to an extent that we share further information like my skype or cell number. I like people who aren't in it for just trying to hit it but I don't think I'm at all ready for another relationship because obviously do to past experiences they're shit. So I think its time to do something different.
Alright so lets see I would like to get to know some one and sleep with them of course I want to be great friends while still sleeping together yes my invisible friends I'm talking about a F-buddy one that I don't have to get serious with unless we really want to someone that we can be all cool together with out really truly complicating things.
why am I telling you this I have no clue just felt like it... well maybe because i'm bored and The Beatles make me loopy a little and Leon and I are discussing how we would go about a Zombie Apocalypse hmmm best conversation ever. Any ways I just want to have a good time i'm not looking for a one night stand because I freaked out the last time that happened so I know i'm not good with that, so lets hope this is for me or I have no hope haha.
I think I'm going to read more "Are You There, Vodka? Its Me, Chelsea" its the most beautiful thing I've ever read.
Alright so lets see I would like to get to know some one and sleep with them of course I want to be great friends while still sleeping together yes my invisible friends I'm talking about a F-buddy one that I don't have to get serious with unless we really want to someone that we can be all cool together with out really truly complicating things.
why am I telling you this I have no clue just felt like it... well maybe because i'm bored and The Beatles make me loopy a little and Leon and I are discussing how we would go about a Zombie Apocalypse hmmm best conversation ever. Any ways I just want to have a good time i'm not looking for a one night stand because I freaked out the last time that happened so I know i'm not good with that, so lets hope this is for me or I have no hope haha.
I think I'm going to read more "Are You There, Vodka? Its Me, Chelsea" its the most beautiful thing I've ever read.
I'm Cold but! I Do Have 106 Dawras!
Oh yes I'm cold and I do now have cash!!! what will I do with 106 dollars I will be turning on my phone with 45 of it and that will be leaving me with 81 dollars left! I worked last night and messed up a little bit, but I was able to do it... wait no I wasn't I'm terrible at cashier I think I pissed off a few people.. more than a few and some co-workers. That is not what I'm getting at though, about my incompetence, I am here to tell you about after the rush I'm not capable to handle passed or near the end of it so here it goes.
So I'm at the register thirsty and thinking about how I'll be done in about 35 minutes and I was so glad because I just want to leave as soon as possible because I'm not sure I'm cut out for this job. In the little amount of time before the next customers come threw the door I clean up the lobby a bit and I notice one of the garbage about to overflow so I remember I have to clean the lobby before I leave but all these people are here so I can't really do much. As soon as I don't see anyone coming in and there was only one person in my lobby I quick grab garbage baggies thinking I can do this in 5 seconds if I'm Hulk enough for this. Some one walks in and I think 'DAMN' in my head I put on a smile "Hello" and I actually got his order right!! SCORE! and I still got the garbage done before more people came threw the door so I spent an extra hour at work power cleaning the lobby and restrooms. I'm thinking 'I really hope my step dad hasn't been waiting for me a whole hour.' He wasn't and in fact he forgot allllll about me! Not that I was upset because I was only 15 cents short in my cash for the night and I had my check that was 106 bucks!!! so I use my co-workers cellphone to call my mother who came to pick me up. As I stepped out side I took off my hat, took a big breath, pulled out my hair tie and let my unruly hair down. As I was Shaking my hair out so the cold air could reach my neck my awesome Assistant Manager from my first night of working shows up and walks out looking cool haha, for so many reasons, he steps out nods and says "Hows it goin?" I say "Great" with the biggest smile on my face my mood could not be beat, but it appears it could get better "You like snickers?" he asks hurriedly I'm kinda shocked and yet I'm able to say "duh". I'm thrown a King sized snickers as he says "Merry Christmas" I'm like AWESOME at this point and quick to hold it up and say "Happy Holidays" making him chuckle before he hurry's on to talking to one of our male co-workers. So my mother come up and I run to her SUV like a big fricken nerd I'm sure she was annoyed by my constant gab about my night.
Alright as exciting as that was I'm pretty much less cold and talking about how I would like to have three kids in my future because loads of children just doesn't seem to be my thing. Leon told me he knew what I wanted ten asian babies... I said no two any more than that its just cruel to give me so much cuteness to be around 24/7. He laughed at me but MAHA! I'm serious that's just to much cute!
So the just of these stories are three or more kids for anyone but Asians who will get only two but give me a snickers you'll make me even more happy.
So I'm at the register thirsty and thinking about how I'll be done in about 35 minutes and I was so glad because I just want to leave as soon as possible because I'm not sure I'm cut out for this job. In the little amount of time before the next customers come threw the door I clean up the lobby a bit and I notice one of the garbage about to overflow so I remember I have to clean the lobby before I leave but all these people are here so I can't really do much. As soon as I don't see anyone coming in and there was only one person in my lobby I quick grab garbage baggies thinking I can do this in 5 seconds if I'm Hulk enough for this. Some one walks in and I think 'DAMN' in my head I put on a smile "Hello" and I actually got his order right!! SCORE! and I still got the garbage done before more people came threw the door so I spent an extra hour at work power cleaning the lobby and restrooms. I'm thinking 'I really hope my step dad hasn't been waiting for me a whole hour.' He wasn't and in fact he forgot allllll about me! Not that I was upset because I was only 15 cents short in my cash for the night and I had my check that was 106 bucks!!! so I use my co-workers cellphone to call my mother who came to pick me up. As I stepped out side I took off my hat, took a big breath, pulled out my hair tie and let my unruly hair down. As I was Shaking my hair out so the cold air could reach my neck my awesome Assistant Manager from my first night of working shows up and walks out looking cool haha, for so many reasons, he steps out nods and says "Hows it goin?" I say "Great" with the biggest smile on my face my mood could not be beat, but it appears it could get better "You like snickers?" he asks hurriedly I'm kinda shocked and yet I'm able to say "duh". I'm thrown a King sized snickers as he says "Merry Christmas" I'm like AWESOME at this point and quick to hold it up and say "Happy Holidays" making him chuckle before he hurry's on to talking to one of our male co-workers. So my mother come up and I run to her SUV like a big fricken nerd I'm sure she was annoyed by my constant gab about my night.
Alright as exciting as that was I'm pretty much less cold and talking about how I would like to have three kids in my future because loads of children just doesn't seem to be my thing. Leon told me he knew what I wanted ten asian babies... I said no two any more than that its just cruel to give me so much cuteness to be around 24/7. He laughed at me but MAHA! I'm serious that's just to much cute!
So the just of these stories are three or more kids for anyone but Asians who will get only two but give me a snickers you'll make me even more happy.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Mr. Complicated or the Easy Way Out?
Well now maybe today isn't really as hard as I was making it for myself. Leon is great and at the same time he now knows how to put me in a position where I'm embarrassed a lot. I hate embarrassing things but at the same time I'm letting him do this I suppose I need to practice this so I can get over it. Now what that I'm awkward and put on the spot I wonder how I'm going to handle myself. I want to say that I'm ok with saying anything though I'm really not I hate it sometimes other times it feels like I'm doing it for attention.
I really hate myself sometimes. I am my own conflict of interest and I need to solve myself before I wiggle more and then I'm in a spot where I'm stuck and no one can help me.
again... can some one even save me now?
We all ask the hard questions but does anyone ever consider the easy ones? Have the easy ones become the hard ones or where they always the hard ones and we pushed them aside calling them easy so we could move on?
Humans tend to look for the easy way out little do they know they're going to find someone that's going to find a way to complicate everything and you're going to let them because you think maybe that's what you need.
Hello, is this what I need? Why are we making things easy for ourselves in life, I mean look at us we get so bored because we've come so far in our laziness no one knows how to complicate things to make themselves busy. Am I prepared for Mr. Complicated or should I find myself on my lazy easy way out?
I really hate myself sometimes. I am my own conflict of interest and I need to solve myself before I wiggle more and then I'm in a spot where I'm stuck and no one can help me.
again... can some one even save me now?
We all ask the hard questions but does anyone ever consider the easy ones? Have the easy ones become the hard ones or where they always the hard ones and we pushed them aside calling them easy so we could move on?
Humans tend to look for the easy way out little do they know they're going to find someone that's going to find a way to complicate everything and you're going to let them because you think maybe that's what you need.
Hello, is this what I need? Why are we making things easy for ourselves in life, I mean look at us we get so bored because we've come so far in our laziness no one knows how to complicate things to make themselves busy. Am I prepared for Mr. Complicated or should I find myself on my lazy easy way out?
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Well hello, I know I've been poof gone, but good news I now have a job. What do I do well I'm a lovely cashier for the Amazing Tacobell! I love my co-workers they know how to make a new person feel comfy and at home.
Alright so I was on about my friend Ryan with the welsh accent and so far I still haven't heard it I'm a little disappointed. He's cool and works a lot so I don't expect much so I suppose its all good. In my time of not talking with him I met a guy named Leon who also lives in the UK, he is awesome and tells me of his Yorkshire accent which I happen, as the creeper you all know, to look up on YouTube and I say I have no clue which accent I like more. Ryan is a great friend and sometimes I waver and question what he's getting at with me, but I'm pretty sure we will stay as friends. Leon I'm sure is looking for a relationship, yet I'm not quite so sure... wow I'm a pool of girl stuff today. Leon makes me smile and if I could meet him in person I would HUG him ha ha and maybe kiss him... but who's to say!
I am still a vegetarian and it seems to be working with me, I'm not sure if I've lost weight but, oh well its still all good. I've been walking a lot with Helen well not a LOT a lot, but quite a bit. I'm wondering what I'm doing with my life I thought getting a job would put me in a good direction and kick start my ambition in live I seem to be in more of a strut then I was. I want to cry so much because I feel I have nothing and now I've dedicated myself into something that I'm not sure I'm succeeding with. I want to know what I'm doing wrong am I hitting my life crises's way to early in my life?
When will I learn to help myself? Shouldn't I be able to depend on me, or is this to much to ask of my inability to be capable? I wish I could scream into the universe, to cry, to BEG it to send me something to have that will make me feel stable like I'm on level ground and not like i'm in big white nothing that switches back and forth from a big black nothing. I seem to complain every time I'm on here, I'm thankful that this is my way to vent though I was hoping that I would bring more humor into this.
Hmm maybe I'll try some humor like Helen came over last night about 10pm and we stayed up until 4am watching "Misfits" that is this funny way out there show from the UK (I think I'm growing an obsession ha ha) well my mother before she went to bed told us to "be quite Brian has to wake up at 3 in the morning". Now let me tell you something about Helen she's not a "quite" type of person actually she is the very opposite. This show is also very funny so it was the hardest thing to do to not laugh, I'm sure we failed the task of being quite. I am sure no one was too bothered by our loudness because when 3 came around my step father Brian walks out in his undies didn't know Helen was still here and sounded almost womanly saying "Oh dear, if I had known I would have put something on." Helen looks at me and shrugs while I'm fighting off fits of laughter because he's wearing tighty-whities. Helen says she's used to it, but I'm betting she will laugh about it later after she sleeps considering she needs it.
Well I tried for that one I hope you enjoyed that. I'm talking with Leon now and I really wish I was in the UK not only because it would be cool to hang out with someone new, but I think I need something new to look at some where fresh to be.
Fresh not something we have in Clinton fresh is something when your not in Iowa at all. If your not in Iowa there seems to be more things to see more places to go and many things to occupy yourself with. I need a vacation from my empty life... someone please fulfill it.
Until next time my non-existent friends.
Alright so I was on about my friend Ryan with the welsh accent and so far I still haven't heard it I'm a little disappointed. He's cool and works a lot so I don't expect much so I suppose its all good. In my time of not talking with him I met a guy named Leon who also lives in the UK, he is awesome and tells me of his Yorkshire accent which I happen, as the creeper you all know, to look up on YouTube and I say I have no clue which accent I like more. Ryan is a great friend and sometimes I waver and question what he's getting at with me, but I'm pretty sure we will stay as friends. Leon I'm sure is looking for a relationship, yet I'm not quite so sure... wow I'm a pool of girl stuff today. Leon makes me smile and if I could meet him in person I would HUG him ha ha and maybe kiss him... but who's to say!
I am still a vegetarian and it seems to be working with me, I'm not sure if I've lost weight but, oh well its still all good. I've been walking a lot with Helen well not a LOT a lot, but quite a bit. I'm wondering what I'm doing with my life I thought getting a job would put me in a good direction and kick start my ambition in live I seem to be in more of a strut then I was. I want to cry so much because I feel I have nothing and now I've dedicated myself into something that I'm not sure I'm succeeding with. I want to know what I'm doing wrong am I hitting my life crises's way to early in my life?
When will I learn to help myself? Shouldn't I be able to depend on me, or is this to much to ask of my inability to be capable? I wish I could scream into the universe, to cry, to BEG it to send me something to have that will make me feel stable like I'm on level ground and not like i'm in big white nothing that switches back and forth from a big black nothing. I seem to complain every time I'm on here, I'm thankful that this is my way to vent though I was hoping that I would bring more humor into this.
Hmm maybe I'll try some humor like Helen came over last night about 10pm and we stayed up until 4am watching "Misfits" that is this funny way out there show from the UK (I think I'm growing an obsession ha ha) well my mother before she went to bed told us to "be quite Brian has to wake up at 3 in the morning". Now let me tell you something about Helen she's not a "quite" type of person actually she is the very opposite. This show is also very funny so it was the hardest thing to do to not laugh, I'm sure we failed the task of being quite. I am sure no one was too bothered by our loudness because when 3 came around my step father Brian walks out in his undies didn't know Helen was still here and sounded almost womanly saying "Oh dear, if I had known I would have put something on." Helen looks at me and shrugs while I'm fighting off fits of laughter because he's wearing tighty-whities. Helen says she's used to it, but I'm betting she will laugh about it later after she sleeps considering she needs it.
Well I tried for that one I hope you enjoyed that. I'm talking with Leon now and I really wish I was in the UK not only because it would be cool to hang out with someone new, but I think I need something new to look at some where fresh to be.
Fresh not something we have in Clinton fresh is something when your not in Iowa at all. If your not in Iowa there seems to be more things to see more places to go and many things to occupy yourself with. I need a vacation from my empty life... someone please fulfill it.
Until next time my non-existent friends.
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