So let me tell you I’m having one of those weeks where I feel like a ghost, not seen or heard but, I’m here. HELLO ANY ONE THERE! No? How I wish I had more friends so I feel more entertained and maybe I wouldn’t feel so crappy any more. Maybe being a true shut in is what I need Learn to isolate myself and no longer need any one else to be in contact with, yeah that sounds perfect. I can just blog to the nonexistent internet friends I have and feel like I’m doing something with my life, Instead I sit at home reading nerd books like its my life and playing my DS trying to teach my virtual dogs to sit, a command they don’t quite understand but, I feel I will succeed in teaching my dogs Babie and Penis many things. No body really reads my blog even though it has been a week and I bug the people I know on facebook to read my stuff they get annoyed really fast some end up ignoring me others telling me lies on how they’ve read it how pathetic am I.
That was rhetorical. I don’t really want to know how pathetic I am because I’m sure I have hit rock bottom with my life considering I live with my mother at the age of 21 and only recently did I graduate high school, I mean the day before my 21st birthday I graduated. Talk about cutting it close huh? I have no real talent not even with writing, well if you want to count reading three books a week and watching as much anime to the point that my mind shrivels up then yes I have some talent.
I can’t wait for tomorrow I have been told I might get my Japanese to English Dictionary tomorrow so then I can learn something on my own and feel a bit accomplished with my life. I wonder how long that will last before I feel completely useless again, curled up in my bed crying about how I don’t have five dollars to go eat subway with my friends. Now I want a veggie-delight and I’m to poor for that.
So I’m a chunky woman and yes most people would call me fat but, I was talking to my best friend who is in the National Guard confessing on how retarded and unfulfilled I am. The conversation went like this.
Me: “Movie night has been canceled tonight and I’m bumbed… I have no one to hang out with again.”
Helen: “Movie night?”
Me: “Yeah we planed out that Alissa(Helens real best friend they go by twin) and I would keep in touch by watching movies with one another every Wednesday with out fail”
Helen: “Oh why?”
Me: “um… to keep in touch?”
Helen: “No why was it canceled?!”
Me: “Oh well mikes boyfriend is having stuff go on I don’t know the details but, he’s staying at Alissa’s again.”
Helen: “Oh…”
Me: “I feel bad because I feel like I no longer have any friends.” Now to let you know at this moment I was seriously about to cry for something completely ridicules. I felt like Mikes boyfriend was getting in the way of my friend ships with Mike and Alissa which is stupid of me because I have to realize I need to let my friends have life’s and I’m ruining that for them and that makes me feel like a terrible friend.
Helen: “I would be too. Ugh cleaning on Bayard its so hot.”
Me: “sorry I wish you could read my blog maybe that would make you feel better.”
Helen: “get a job Korina”
Me: “I’m to lazy to even get out of my house”
Helen: “Lose some weight”
Me: “to poor for a gym”
Helen: “THAN GET A JOB!”
Me: GASP “Or boyfriend could ask me to hang out every day and I could just walk to his house and back!!! I could get sexy and he’ll want to actually have sex with me!”
Helen: “HA wow, get caffeine, B12 or, the pill Brittany’s on. She needs a gym partner she said.”
Me: “I’m POOOOOOR!” of course I’m talking about the gym I can’t afford that.
It is just an endless cycle of self hatred on my part I miss her and I wish she was here so I could have more than two friends again. I thought walking to Keith’s and obtaining the sex appeal that leads to being touched in a forbidden way would be a good idea but, boyfriend had to shoot me down and say I have to wait for his semester in collage is over. I had to ask how long that would be he said a few weeks so I am very ecstatic to be his sexy girlfriend or sexy at all. Was I ever sexy? I don’t think so don’t I feel just left out of the beautiful club. Maybe I’ll take that pill Brittany is on even though I’m terrified of pills that change a person’s appearance it would make me feel fake.
Ah self confidence it seems so close but I feel too lazy to walk towards it. HA I feel better now, nothing like telling nonexistent people my issues. I’ll try to find a way to make this a livelier read for you my invisible friends! Until I write again readers.
UPDATE: almost broke down to tears because tomorrow I'm going to Keiths and my dryers broke I might not have clean cloths. I feel an urge of relief and a bit ridiculous when I realized I already had cloths picked out. Oh and I might be getting my Japanese dictionary tomorrow I’m bubbling with excitement now… wow that was a quick adjustment.
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