I suppose I know what real love is, not the “I’ve found my soul mate!” type of love, but the “My best friend is family” type of love. Remember how I was sad that my friends where ignoring me, well it happened to be true to the point that we aren’t friends any more. I still do not know why this all happened and I don’t know if I want to know. I would apologize if I knew what it was, it seems I’m not worthy enough to know why I’m to be treated so lowly.
I wish I could just sit down and say the most terrible things about them, I can’t it hurts me to much to say anything of the sort, I can complain about the way they treated me and I can of course call them assholes and d-bags I’m not even sure I mean it other than a defensive “I’m hurting” type of way. I can’t believe that I’m going to say this, I’m sure I’d take them back even though I’ve been treated like dirt.
They aren’t my only friend and I can avoid them, exception for today because its my good friends birthday and they will be there. That’s right this is the reason I’m writing this because I’m overwhelmed with the pain of having to see them and fake joy that at some moments will be real until I remember they are always faking it. I’m nothing to them anymore I wasn’t ever anything and I think that’s what hurts most that I fell so deeply into there trap of false love and care, or maybe it’s the way that they thought I was so easily casted aside.
I don’t know if it makes it better or worse that I’m listening to Adele 21, my mother just bought it and put it on the computer. I love my mother; for some reason these songs put me in a neutral state of mind so I feel better because I love her music. I’ve been crying because I’m in a slump, I think I’ll go threw all of my fake smiles tomorrow that I’ll have to stay home for the next week locked in my room reading trying not to think of the real world and my problems. Maybe I’ll think up some new things for my novel because god knows I need to keep up with that so I can finally say I accomplished something difficult.
I think the lesson is, its ok to love your friends. You will have those types of friends that will hurt you, some of your friends will stay neutral with the both of you because they love you both equally (Never ask them to chose its never the right thing to do.), while you’ll have the ones that will ignore the whole situation because is something they wont touch(They are great friends because they wont talk about it, it’s a process these friends are necessary.), and lastly you will have the instigators or they could also be the “on your side.” Types (Treasure these friends indulge a bit in there nonsense they will boost your confidence and assure you that you are a great person.).
I love my friends they are the greatest and I would never trade them for anything in the world, I hope that all of you will have a chance at these friends. Life is so full of experiences you’ll have Great ones that you’ll remember all of your life and you’ll have bad ones that you will remember equally as much if not more.
I think that I now know that I can go threw with seeing these people because I know I’m a great person so this shouldn’t be as bad as I’m making it out to be. I can get threw anything if I put my mind to it. I can take a blow to my emotional standing and I can give out just as bad a blow, but the difference is I don’t find it necessary to do such things. I’m just around to have a great time and accomplish my life goals! Wish me luck on my journey called life, because I sure as hell am determined to do all I can for me and you should do the same!
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