Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Again My Mind Gets The Best Of Me

  It all started when i decided to talk with Helen and Aubrey at the same time. Helen is having a Halloween party and I'm not sure I want to go because I'm feeling very anti-social these days though I still want to go because they are my friends and it seems I don't talk with them much.  I talk with Aubs because I feel I can tell her everything even if I know she will tell Helen and Alissa it is ok because at least I know she's listening.
   Helens angry at me for not hanging out with her, I talk to her thats how this works I'm supposed to be the one relied on constantly I'm the one that talks first there seems to be no need to let me know and feel the lest bit wanted. I'm wondering how Helens going to get her beverages I'm just now realizing that I'm the only one old enough to by booze... me needing to go to the party now makes more sense.
   Aubrey and I where discussing the "Apartment" she said "Its all started when she got that App." I told her I'm not even sure Helen really considered me.  I also told her about how once when I hung out with Helen she had Alissa with her and they where already on the discussion of the apartment.  Just so you know I'm now over the whole I'm not living there thing I don't really care I just am way to paranoid to the point of maybe over thinking and telling Aubrey something I guess should never have come out of my mouth... of fingers considering I typed it.
   I told Aubrey that I think Alissa's manipulating Helen like I feel that Dalton did with Mike, even though I have no proof of that and I feel terrible thinking anything like this alright it hurts to think it at all. I told Aubrey that I don't really want to be in that situation again and that if it happens again I wont be able to handle it. I'm not so sure this was smart of me because I'm sure now I'm going to get an intervention and I don't think I want to be in that kind of situation with a group of people I hate my own feelings so its hard for me to talk about them with specific people, hence why I get all awkward. I'm ok with this because no one really reads it so there for I don't get confronted I think some day someone important in my life will read all of this and this will most likely bite me in the ass.  Until then I'm sure this will all be my little secret.

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