Am I Enabled?

   I wen't to get my check today, but before I did my mother asked me if I was going to be home soon so I can watch the kids quick and of course I said yes like I always do.  I feel rushed to cash my check so I can be home for my mother I ended up having fun on the way back home and forgot the very reason I was hurrying home so I post my Facebook status as "I really want to go do something now." my friend Helen comments with "come walk and swim with me and Bobo."(Bobo is her new puppy.). So she and I repeatedly text one another for a few minutes making plans when I realize I'm supposed to watch the kids maybe my mother forgot so I decided to reminded her. She tells me she doesn't know when she will be going, now I'm sitting here wondering why she needed me to hurry, I text Helen and let her know the disappointing news.  I think she'll be fine considering she was looking for someone to go with and in the last second of me remembering this her best friend that she lives with decides to go along.
   I really hope she doesn't think I'm ditching out on her because I'm not I'm just sucked into what my mother wants out of my life (any one else find it odd that Alissa jumped in last second like if she didn't go life with Helen would change? maybe I'm just paranoid.). like when I go to bed at four in the morning and my mother wakes me up at six in the morning so I can watch the kids, I've gotten to the point that I feel like I have no choice. When did this become my routine?  As much as I love my mother and I want to help out I feel like I'm being used.  Of course I find it fair trade if I'm going to be on her computer as much as I am, though she does tell me I'm on it to much and I agree I am even though I have a job I feel that I don't really have.
   I'm begging life for a change I would like to make a move for a change, but I don't know how I don't know what kind of change I'm to make. Where am I going with this, I think a circular motion where I find my self back at the beginning.  I'm always in the beginning, my mother just told me that I can do what I want and she doesn't need me now. I'm sure by now I've missed my chance to be a swamp princess. I feel sad now, I hate my instant change in emotion I feel so useless like I'm incapable of doing anything for anyone not even myself.
   I think its time to find something fun to do.  Oh wait I'm in Clinton, Iowa dumb me momentarily I forgot! No I didn't how can you forget this place, I'm sure its easy or necessary to forget.
   I decided better late then never and texted Helen lets hope life isn't going to shit on me today *smiles*